You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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