dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
