I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
