I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
