Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
