I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
