You work out of a Hotel?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
