I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
