i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
