i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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