I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
