How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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