five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
