I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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