Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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