Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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