You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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