You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
