That's when you crack a 10am beer
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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