who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
