This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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