I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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