I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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