does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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