if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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