if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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