i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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