I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
