my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
