she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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