He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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