wrigley field is MILF paradise
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
