There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
