the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
