he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
