ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
