i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
