I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
