Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
