Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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