I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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