It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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