You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
