So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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