you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
