Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
