Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
