i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
