Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
