glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
