Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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