Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
