The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
